Thursday, August 16, 2018

Double the Fun

If you are active on any parenting themed Facebook groups or online forums, you probably recognize that a lot of the dialogue is based around the same handful of snoozy questions being asked by new members over... and over... and over...
"Not wanting to start an argument, but--what are your opinions on vaccines?"
"Needing fast, healthy meals to feed a family on a budget! GO!"
"Does this look like Hand Foot & Mouth to you?"
"Best breast pumps?"
"How many c-sections have you had?"
"I'm a mom of eight expecting number nine and I still have absolutely no idea what I'm doing PLEASE HELP."

One question that plays on repeat that always stands out to me is the "Those of you who have children close together: would you recommend it?" I find this question both puzzling and comical. For one thing, I DO have children close together, and if Greta hadn't been a "happy accident," there is absolutely NO WAY she would have come into being. I mean, when Anja (crankiest baby in the universe) was five months old, I had sworn off of anymore children EVER. Literally, Martin and I had decided that we weren't going to have any more children because Anja was SUCH a difficult baby and we had no idea what we were doing and life was just awful. When she was seven months old she'd turned a corner and was becoming a super fun toddler and had stopped crying all the time, and we were realizing why people thought having babies was a good thing. Still, we'd not changed our minds about having more.

Luckily, we are not in charge.

Anja and Greta are sixteen months apart, which at the time was both exciting and difficult. Anja really was the MOST FUN toddler after she grew out of her nightmarish babyhood, so by the time Great was born, I was happy to have closely spaced sisters. Being pregnant and having a baby was a little embarrassing, what with all the comments from strangers and stuff, but more than that I kind of wondered if I was destined to be the Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe with her uncountable number of feral children. That thought was a little frightening.

After a rough figuring-things-out first few months, we fell into being a fine family of four. It was excellent having two small children at once. It helped that Anja was not a difficult toddler or child--no tantrums, fits, whininess... she was SO EASY. Greta was not what I would categorize as an especially "easy" human to deal with, but she was definitely entertaining. She wasn't a dangerous kind of crazy--she didn't put small objects in her mouth, or try to stick forks in the electrical outlets. She was energetic but not insane, and her fits were often over things so ludicrous that it was hard to not just laugh about it. And as the months and years went by the two of them became more and more of best friends. Inseparable. A Delightful Duo. The only big difficulties we encountered were when Anja had to start going to speech therapy and Greta was left behind. (She was not a fan.) Other than that, the did everything together.

I know that not all closely spaced siblings have this sort of relationship, and I feel so lucky that mine have.

But I'm not done.

So, one of the really great things about having two kids close together is that I get kind of a double dose of each age. After one really tremendous year passes for Anja, I think, "I don't need to be sad to say goodbye to this age, I have a whole year more of it with Greta!" Two was a big one. I LOVE TWO YEAR OLDS. All of these beautiful preschool and early childhood years chugged along, two at a time, and I was so happy to be able to really get my fill of each year before leaving it behind (until Elka caught up, three years later.)

Until Nine.

I think I've mentioned here before that my sister had warned me about Age Nine. "Nine Year Olds are weird," She said. She didn't really expand on that statement, but it was a subtle warning. And then, sure enough, shortly after Anja turned nine, I felt the jolt. Nine has by far been the most difficult age with Anja. (Shortly after she turned 10, she became her delightful old self again--it was truly ONE year of difficulty!) She cried ALL THE TIME. She was sassy. She was all the bad things you hear about teenagers, with the terrible attitude, the eye-rolling, the thinking her parents are stupid, the constant tears and emotional turmoil. It was terrible. And the whole time I was thinking, "I know this will end.... but I also know I might have another year of it."

And sure enough, I did.

Now Greta is nine. And I know it will end because Anja has already come out the other end of the tunnel and is wonderful again, but GOSH, nine is a hard age! We fluctuate between sadness, irrational anger, and sassiness all day long. There are SO MANY TEARS. Oh my gosh. The emotions. Oh my goodness. And then the just being a jerk, which is so hard for all of us. Oh my. Nine.

The good part of having two close together used to be that I got a doubler of every year. Now the good part of having two close together is that I can see the light at the end of the Tunnel of Nine. It's still just a speck in the distance right now... but I know it's there.....

So, if you're on the fence about having two children close together, my advice is, DO IT! Or, DON'T DO IT! It's wonderful and terrible all mixed together, just like every day of every life of every person in the world.

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